Ah, Nick…your trademark sledgehammer subtlety rears its head.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Nick replied, grabbing his overnight bag in his free hand, “…cupcake.” Upon seeing the look Monroe was giving him, Nick implored, “Can we forget I said that, please?”

“Anything you want,” Monroe consented easily, “…love bug.”

Nick groaned, wishing he had a free hand to smack himself in the forehead with, causing Monroe to go on, “Not a fan? How about…peaches? Dollface? Cuddle monkey?”

“If we weren’t in public, I would be very tempted to kill you right now.”

Hotel California, Ch. 1: La Vie En Rose

I swear to god, you two are the biggest dorks to ever dork. Please call each other gross pet names forever.

Calm down guys, you’re about to accidentally make out and it’s only the first chapter.

Oh my god, their fake relationship backstory is a coffee shop AU.

MONROE WATCHES RERUNS OF THE GOOD WIFE AND CREATES DOSSIERS OF FAKE RELATIONSHIP BACKGROUND INFO JUST ON THE OFF CHANCE HE AND NICK HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE DATING PASS IT ON.

Who says a straight guy can’t enjoy a good muffin now and again?

Actual oblivious Nincompoop Burkhardt

Okay, seriously, what are you munching on over there?” Nick asked, glancing briefly toward the passenger seat before returning his eyes to the road. “You’d better not be getting crumbs all over my car.”

“Just some pork rinds,” Monroe mumbled, his words nearly unintelligible over the sound of the crunching.

“Pork rinds, really?” Nick asked amusedly, arching an eyebrow at him. “Isn’t that a little obvious?”

“I’m reformed, not dead,” Monroe shot back a bit sulkily, cradling the bag protectively in his lap. “Even a wolf’s gotta indulge once in a while.”

Hotel California, Ch. 1: La Vie En Rose

PORK RINDS MONROE? REALLY?!

First of all, this is fake married fic, so it already wins everything.

Hotel California, Ch. 1: La Vie En Rose

I did warn you that if nobody rec’d me anything I’d probably end up spiraling downward into Monhardt. And then someone rec’d me this anyway! This one is seven chapters long, so we’ll start with one chapter per week and see how that goes. Ready?

Fic rec: ao3 > works/2809157

Thanks nonny! Looks good. It’ll definitely be the next one we do, after Hotel California.