Oh yes, Monroe…you just HAVE to stand behind Nick and put your arms around him to show him how to peel a peach. That is TOTALLY necessary and could not be accomplished in a less intimate manner AT ALL. NOPE.

AND THE LINES BETWEEN “FAKE MARRIED” AND “ACTUALLY IN LOVE” BEGIN TO BLUR, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA.

Not sure who’s scarier, the landlady or the scary neighbor lady.

Nick and Monroe, married busybodies spying on the neighbors.

Seriously, how much time did Monroe spend writing up this fake relationship?!

Monroe is so done with Nick’s asinine questions.

Nick is so done with Monroe’s snark.

Hotel California, Ch. 2: Jam Session

While learning the fine art of jam-making from their enigmatic hostess, Nick and Monroe meet their fellow guests – both nasty and nice – and discover that the surprises the weekend has in store for them are only just beginning.

If last week’s chapter is any indication, this fic is going to be super fun. Ready for Chapter 2?

I’M SCREAMING

Source: twitter.com

Ah, Nick…your trademark sledgehammer subtlety rears its head.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Nick replied, grabbing his overnight bag in his free hand, “…cupcake.” Upon seeing the look Monroe was giving him, Nick implored, “Can we forget I said that, please?”

“Anything you want,” Monroe consented easily, “…love bug.”

Nick groaned, wishing he had a free hand to smack himself in the forehead with, causing Monroe to go on, “Not a fan? How about…peaches? Dollface? Cuddle monkey?”

“If we weren’t in public, I would be very tempted to kill you right now.”

Hotel California, Ch. 1: La Vie En Rose

I swear to god, you two are the biggest dorks to ever dork. Please call each other gross pet names forever.